Questioning.

I am the person that loves to be busy. I thrive on being with other people and to be running around. Thats what makes my clock tick. Thats what makes me work. But for some reason, the last couple weeks..I have been so busy that sometimes I feel like my world is spinning.

Some people take offense to the N word, some people take offense to the R word...but lately I have been getting very defensive when people use the B word. No not the female dog..the B word I am referring to does not exist in my dictionary. I can honestly say I have no idea what this feeling is any longer. BOREDOM. I can honestly say I dont remember what it feels like to be bored. And I get really frustrated with people who complain about being bored. There is so much to do in this world...so much to do in this town...so much to do on this campus..that I seriously cannot even fathom what it would be feel like to be bored. Maybe this is because I have ZERO down time and enjoy every last second of "free time" that I get, I dont know.

Maybe by now you're thinking stop complaining Sara, this is your life you chose to be busy so suck it up. You know what, maybe youre right. But right now, I need to write what is on my heart and thats what Im doing. So- if you dont want to hear it, stop reading. Tough love.

Sometimes I get frustrated when people say that RAs don't do anything. (There is where the venting gets tricky, because I am going to strive to maintain professionalism here without breaching anything) Let me tell you the truth behind it. As an RA, I must work a minimum of 4 hours at the front desk per week. I have to attend a weekly staff meeting that lasts about an hour. I meet with one of my bosses every week anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes. That right there consumes 6 more hours of my week than a typical student. But my position is not about the meetings I attend, or the time I put in manning the computer and answering questions. The real truth about my job is that my RA position...my focus is on relational ministry. About building relationships with the women to live on my floor. Every day when I leave, when I come home, when I move about the building..I have to stop and say hi to my girls. Can you imagine walking past your RA and not saying hello? No...because that should not happen. Now, I am telling you...this relational part of my job IS MY FAVORITE. I absolutely positively adore it. It is what keeps me going. I love my residents and I love the women who live in my building. But building and maintaining relationships takes time..So yes, every single week my job takes up A LARGE chunk of my time.
 Not to mention that I am a Dragon Ambassador...now that job takes an extra 2 hours every week. Plus I coach skating...which takes another 6 (or so) hours every week. On top of being a student. And having somewhat of a social life (or trying to). Add time dedicated to devoting my life to the Lord, plus working out and staying healthy PLUS going to class...This balance thing....is killing me. So please, don't try and pretend that youre busier than I am. Or that you have more things going on than I do. Or what you do is more important than what I do. Because, that might be true. But I definitely dont think I am busier than you, or have a more stressful situation than you. Because we all handle things differently..and what may be busy to one person, may not be to another. It just really gets me fired up when people think their battle is a harder one to fight than other peoples...when really, you have no idea. I have no idea. We need to be humble and understand that.

Its the hardest thing to figure out..how much time to spend where. Truth is, in high school, grades were the number one most important thing for me. I graduated valedictorian, 4.0. All that got me was a scholarship. What I have come to realize and understand that college is much less about my grades, and more about my experiences while I am here. So though your suggestion may be drop something to eliminate stress, truth is that all the outside things I am doing are (almost) more important than my school work. Thats where the saying comes in that D's get degrees. (Please let it be known that school is still very important to me, and I do care. Its just a different perspective that I have gained.)

Am I crazy? Yes. Is this blog post just a really long rant about my life because I am extremely crabby today and my emotions are running on high? Yes. But part of blogging is being able to look back and reread what you have written to see the growth that has been made. I look forward to the day when I can look back on this post and say, I made it through those times and they made me a better person.

Better days...they are to come...right?