Beauty,

Needless to say, the last few days have been nothing but a whirlwind of emotion, confusion, and miscommunication between my heart and my brain. They have not been on the same wavelength lately.

My heart has been searching for love, and yearning to give it away. I have invested my heart in areas I should not have. My brain knows what is good for me, what God wants for me. But for some reason, my heart has thought otherwise.

My Big mamma, my gorgeous Bethany Hill came into my room last night and said some of the most profound words. Beauty is not something we always can see. Sometimes true beauty is a feeling. And sometimes we need people in our life to help us realize this. There are so many people in my life that God has blessed me with that allow me to see what is true beauty, and allow me to see that within myself. I cannot say thank you enough.

Here I sit..humbled my God's love for me. I had a phenomenal weekend away, on retreat, at a fellowship of catholic university students conference where I was surrounded with the presence of Jesus in every person I met and every speaker I heard. I encountered Christ in the eucharist multiple times...yet I walked away untouched.
The man who thought of me before he created the world, so he would know when to bring me into it came to earth. He humbly came as a baby, grew into his man, and was hung upon a cross to die. For me, and for my sins. He rose so that I may have eternal salvation. I know all of these things..yet for some reason my heart was not in it.

I encountered Jesus Christ multiple times over the weekend and went untouched. How selfish was I?

But our God is not a foreceful God. No- in fact, he allows us to make our own decisions. He created our hearts and he created them to know him. With knowledge of God and his love for us, we can make decisions with His will in mind. He takes us VERY seriously. God did not force me to see him, or force me to be changed. I made that decision myself.

Something was said at conference this last weekend that I did not take to heart until I came home and realized my selfishness.

Your God is whoever or whatever you make the most sacrifices for.

In taking that into prayer and reflecting on that, I quickly found out who I had made my God the last few weeks...and it wasnt Jesus, I can tell you that much.